


always forever

by R L Whine (supernover)



Category: The Sinner (TV)
Genre: Angst, College, M/M, Recreational Drug Use, Sexual Content, feel like that's kind of a given with these two
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2020-04-07
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:20:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23407432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supernover/pseuds/R%20L%20Whine
Summary: "Once you let him in, he just keeps wanting more. It’s always been like that.”“Do you think, maybe, he was in love with you?”
Relationships: Jamie Burns/Nick Haas
Comments: 4
Kudos: 21





	1. pick a number

_Nick retrieved a small mass of folded paper he’d kept nestled close to his heart in the breast pocket of his flannel shirt. Jamie winced at the sight of it._

_“Pick a number,” Nick murmured, holding the cootie catcher between steady fingers._

_He took a deep breath, falling victim to Nick's influence yet again. Another deep breath, exhaling smoothly this time, losing himself to the same song and dance, this sordid affair with Nick and their mutual fate._

_“Three.”_

_Knock, knock, knock._

Each one heavier than the last.

Jamie squinted at the digital clock on his night stand. The faint red glow of ‘2:34 AM’ served as a warning. He held his breath and remained perfectly still. One would be under the impression that he was being hunted, and perhaps he was. He did this for a solid twenty seconds to no avail. The knocking returned.

He regretted telling Nick about his insomnia, knowing fully well that Nick probably had each one of Jamie’s weaknesses archived for the sake of using them to his advantage. Like now, for example.

_Knock, knock, knock._

Unusually light raps of Nick's knuckles against the door of Jamie’s dorm, now. It wasn’t like him to be so shy in any regard. Jamie begrudgingly brought himself to his feet, maneuvering through the darkness of the room effortlessly, eyes fully accustomed to the void.

He unlocked the door, cracking it wide enough so that only half of his body dipped into the mostly vacant hallway, one foot grounded in reality lest he get swept up in Nick’s madness yet again. It was useless. A flimsy display of nonexistent willpower that fooled neither Nick nor himself.

Nick spoke first—taking the lead, as usual. “Hey.”

“What are you doing here?”

“The conventional response would be ‘hi’, or even a ‘hello’ would suffice,” Nick explained with a demonstrative wave of his hand. "Maybe a ‘what’s up’ if you’re feeling especially reckless.”

Jamie pursed his lips, refusing to smile. “It’s nearly three in the morning.”

“Really?” Nick shot back incredulously with a sarcastic edge. “I’m early.”

“Yeah. So, you should leave," Jamie retorted. It was almost a warning. 'Almost' wasn't even remotely good enough to stave off Nick Haas.

Nick only granted him a sideways grin. There was something enticing about the bit of venom in Jamie’s tone, just then—the way pieces of him would slip through the cracks, slowly stripping away the facade, revealing himself in his purest form. He welcomed the spite. He cherished it.

Jamie wasn’t unnerved by the silence Nick so effortlessly embraced, instead mirroring the other boy’s expression warmly. It’d quickly dissolved when Nick had decidedly brushed past him in attempt to enter the dorm. “Wait,” he hissed, timidly pawing at Nick’s chest before lightly pressing him against the doorframe, holding him in place.

He took a moment to appreciate the image. Nick’s curls, dampened by rain from the journey across campus, messily framed his face, his features soft beneath the dimmed hallway light, contrasting his demanding gaze. Jamie swallowed the lump in his throat—how typical. "My roommate is asleep,” he explained quietly, his hand falling to his side.

Nick shrugged, averting his gaze in favor of examining the dark confines of the room. “Then I guess you better come with me,” he reasoned, meeting Jamie’s hesitant eyes with certain ones, dark and alluring in their suggestion.

Not again, he thought. If this evolved into a routine, his grades would be fucked. “It’s past curfew.” The feigned sternness in his tone had faltered halfway through, telling him that he was already fucked.

“Jesus, Jamie,” the other whispered with an exasperated sigh, stare trailing up his long, slender figure, assessing—looking right through him. "Live a little,” he teased childishly.

Jamie exhaled a frustrated puff of air through flared nostrils. The sound registered as a victory to Nick, swiftly spinning on his heels to lead Jamie into the night.

Then,

“Pick a number.”

Nick’s confident stride came to an abrupt halt. He turned his head, his eyes gravitating towards the familiar bit of folded paper in Jamie’s hands. He slipped a hand into the now empty breast pocket of his flannel, huffing a laugh in disbelief at Jamie’s thievery. “Well, aren’t you full of surprises? And here I thought you were trying to cop a feel,” Nick commented, treading slowly as he closed the space between them. "They teach you that in the scouts, Burns?”

“Just pick a number."

Nick complied with a smile, “Four."

Jamie pinched the paper between his fingers, pushing and pulling accordingly. _One, two, three, four._ “Color?” When the answer didn’t come right away, he looked up to find Nick silently studying his eyes.

“Blue.”

Jamie blushed. _B-L-U-E._ He upturned the fold, breathing an irritated sigh at the hastily scribbled arrow pointing to a satisfied Nick.

“Do you have an umbrella?” Nick inquired with a half-smirk.

“I really fucking hate you, sometimes.”


	2. pick a color

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “No, it was never like that.”
> 
> “Why not?”
> 
> “Because it wasn’t.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the inherent homoeroticism of lighting another man's joint

_“Just a few inches to the left,” Jamie observed, breathing gone jagged, hands unsteady. This was a bad idea. He always knew it was a bad idea, every time, and yet here he was, and yet there they were. Again. "That’s all it would t—"_

_“Pick a color,” Nick interjected, eerily calm, eyeing the other expectantly._

_Jamie replied, a twinge of hesitation still lingering in his voice, “Red.” How appropriate, he thought._

  
_Click, click, click._

“Shit,” Jamie grumbled, thumbing at the wheel of the lighter with no purchase, its flame diminishing before it had time to catch the end of a joint Nick had offered him.

Nick answered his struggle by cupping both hands together, holding them in front of Jamie’s face with hopes to shield the light from autumn’s incessantly blustering wind. “Here,” he encouraged softly.

Jamie pushed against the ridges of the cog hard enough to leave a mark on the pad of his thumb, then flicked. A few insignificant sparks that fizzled out immediately.

“Let me try,” Nick suggested, picking up on Jamie’s frustration and gingerly pulling the lighter from his grasp, one hand still posed above the neatly rolled paper.

Jamie instinctively reached up to assist, fingers crowding together in an airtight seal as they curled up next to Nick’s, accordingly. Jamie's pinky lightly brushed against a knuckle, causing his breath to momentarily catch in his throat at the tiniest bit of contact, the tiniest hint of intimacy in the action suddenly dawning on him. The sound of Nick’s voice thankfully pried him from his touch-induced daze.

“Once I light this, just breathe in deep,” he instructed. “You ready?"

Jamie nodded once in affirmation, drawing in a long, deep breath shortly after the click. A burning sensation filled his lungs, though not necessarily uncomfortable. Admittedly, he stifled a cough for the sake of impressing Nick, who was now taking an effortless drag.

“You should exhale too, you know.”

“I was getting around to it,” Jamie blurted in irritation, voice several octaves deeper on account of the smoke. An inevitable fit of wheezing coughs were spurred on by the remark. He caved in on himself while his chest heaved rapidly, crumpling.

“You did good,” Nick said with a tilted smile, giving Jamie's shoulder a light squeeze.

He felt that familiar heat rise up in his cheeks at Nick’s praise. It was just the lack of oxygen, he told himself.

“I think you’ll come to like this more than your precious adderall,” Nick muttered, a sardonic edge to his otherwise tranquil tone.

Jamie exhaled a laugh, a bitter noise. Ironic of Nick to express concern for his well being, given the dangerous games he so often coerces Jamie into playing with him. No, Jamie knew better. He always knew better, and he indulged regardless. For himself. For Nick.

“I can’t finish this by myself.”

Several moments had passed before Jamie felt compelled to break the silence that ensued. “Wow,” he let the word crawl out of his mouth lazily, the sound dragging through the atmosphere.

Nick cracked a grin, unabashedly amused by Jamie’s awe. “Yeah?” he teased, brow cocked as he watched his friend melt into the pavement.

“Yeah,” Jamie echoed, sinking pleasantly. It was a nice alternative to spiraling.

“Jamie Burns,” Nick stated blankly, throwing it out into the empty space between them.

Jamie’s brow furrowed curiously at this, anticipating a follow-up. Nick only laughed at some unspoken joke, his gaze falling to the ground, dragging a finger across a notch nestled between two bricks. “What?” Jamie prodded curiously.

Nick lifted his head to look at Jamie. There was something unfamiliar there that made Jamie’s heart skip a beat. “I just like how it tastes.”

Jamie shifted, shyly averting his gaze in favor of finding his own notch to fixate on. “How’s that?” he inquired.

“Bittersweet,” came the response, just barely a whisper.

He wanted to ask why, wanted to frantically persist in his line of questioning like always, but instead figured that he was better off not knowing.

It was Nick’s turn to ask a question, now. “How do you feel?”

Jamie’s hands instinctively upturned as though the answer would be scrawled across his sweaty palms. “Tingly.”

“Like, in a good way?”

He inspected the lines that trailed across his hands. It reminded him of maps. “I’m not sure,” he replied with a chuckle that quickly evolved into a fit of giggles.

Nick snickered at the sight of him. If there was ever a time prior in which he’d seen Jamie so happy, he couldn’t seem to recall. “Why are you laughing?”

“I don’t know,” Jamie exclaimed joyously, correcting his posture from where he’d curled in on himself to look at Nick.

Nick wasn’t laughing. Before Jamie could ask what was wrong, there was a hand cupping his cheek, then Nick’s lips were on his in a soft kiss. Just a peck due to Jamie jerking back as if he’d touched a hot stove. His eyes scanned Nick’s face, searching for something that might’ve suggested this was just another one of his fucked up games, but only finding want.

He shook his head, denying whatever’d just happened, shaking away the thought, willing away the inclination that haunted his thoughts so frequently. “Oh, no,” he stammered in spite of his desire, sounding strangled as he struggled to force the words out. "No, Nick. We can’t.” He wasn’t sure who he was attempting to convince, or why.

Nick nodded, pretended that he understood for the sake of his own sanity. “Right,” he reasoned before swiftly retreating back into his usual sulky demeanor.

“I don’t know what I want,” Jamie blurted.

“Okay,” Nick murmured, seemingly cold and uncaring.

“I’m just in a really weird place, right now,” he spluttered, unsure of where the words were even coming from, watching helplessly as they fell flat against the brick walkway, utterly meaningless.

Nick entertained his excuse of an explanation. “Well, look around,” he began, eyes gravitating toward the space between them. A space that’d become smaller and smaller with each rotation, the bouts of cold breezes howling through the empty campus unearthing an unspoken craving for each other’s warmth. "We all are. I just thought that, maybe,” Jamie felt dark brown eyes carefully studying his features in the moonlight, felt lightheaded by the way it tore the air from his poor lungs, felt ill, still couldn’t help but meet that gaze that ached for something, something, “this could be the way out.”

Without further thought, disallowing his incessant worry to take him prisoner yet again, Jamie lunged forward. Their faces collided disgracefully, lips frantically feeling out a rhythm as their mouths slotted together, messy and desperate and wanting, teeth and hands and tongues, crashing. Crashing.

Nick curled his fingers against Jamie’s soft brunette locks, grabbing whatever he could manage to take hold of and tugging, parting their lips with a growl.

“Nick,” Jamie purrs, just barely a whine, a plea.

“Do you want me to touch you?” he rasps in a breathy whisper.

Jamie nods to the best of his ability. Then, the most certain he’d been all night, “Yes.”

Nick releases Jamie’s hair in favor of tenderly caressing the nape of his neck, lightly dragging his nails across the neatly trimmed hair there. A barely there touch ghosting across his jaw, trailing up his temple, a thumb gliding against his cheekbone appreciatively before swiping it across his lips, slightly parted, panting lulled to a mostly calmed rhythm. Still, he shivered—terrified and starving for more.

With deft fingers, Nick undoes Jamie’s belt. “It’s okay,” he assures, hand snaking beneath the waistband of his briefs. Jamie gasps, exhaling a moan when he feels the gentle press of Nick’s lips against his neck. He tastes Jamie’s pulse, thumping wildly with fear and delight.

He tastes alive. He drags his teeth against the steady thrum of his jugular, sinks them into the soft flesh there and devours the vibrations of Jamie’s whine as the leisurely pace of his hand steadily increases.

“You’re so good,” Nick coos into his ear.

That’s what pushes him over the edge, clutching at Nick’s flannel with trembling hands. With a small tilt of Jamie's head, Nick promptly caught his lips in a surprisingly delicate kiss, swallowing the sounds of his climax as they escaped his throat with fervent hunger.

As he began to settle down, tremors coming in fewer waves, Nick removed his hand to run his fingers through the meticulously maintained grass of the campus courtyard, wiping away the evidence before tucking Jamie back into his briefs, courteously buttoning his khakis and refastening his belt.

“Thanks,” Jamie mumbled, hardly coherent. It’s not romantic, far from it, but he can’t muster the strength to make anything of it, can hardly make sense of it.

Nick just laughs. “Yeah, anytime,” he jabs.

Jamie cringes at this, positive that he’d fucked it up. He always fucks it up.

Nick frowned, sensing the oncoming panic. This was very typical of Jamie, his personal anxieties often rendering him incapable of enjoying himself. “Hey." He brings his hands up to Jamie’s face, pulling, pressing their foreheads together. “It’s okay,” he whispers again.

The gesture instantly calms him. Jamie’s soul felt as though it was vibrating pleasantly, trying to settle beneath his skin as it buzzed with pleasure where Nick was touching him. It only seemed right to return the favor, he thought, cautiously pushing the heel of his palm between Nick’s thighs as he pursued his lips with a contrasting eagerness.

Nick wrapped his fingers around Jamie’s wrist, forcibly retracting his hand. “No.” There was no discernible emotion in his tone.

“But you—“

“Don’t worry about me,” Nick insists, offering the other a sincere smile.

Right on cue, the rain picked up once more, persuading the two boys to return to their dorms with minimal exchange in words. The silence couldn’t seem to unsettle Jamie still, his thoughts a dull hum as opposed to its usual chaos.

“Nick Haas,” he whispered, just to see how it tastes.

It burned his tongue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if this reads like I'm a narc admittedly I put a bit of a fantastical lens on getting high for the sake of drama  
> anyways remember when Jamie just dropped his dab pen in the bath what the fuck was that about  
> thought maybe it was another habit of sorts he'd picked up from Nick

**Author's Note:**

> idk something for fun  
> thank you to the two folks who got it popping off in here  
> I just thought their dynamic would be cool to play around with, tbh  
> title taken from my favorite song by The Cults ! gives me a Nick and Jamie vibe solely bc it's a little unsettling


End file.
